Parents often think that by attempting to shape their kids to fit social norms, they will successfully raise a child to grow up to a happy and successful adult. The fact is that when trying to mold a child to fit it, the child is learning that they are broken and not good enough to fit into the layout of the social script by social norms. As a parent, you are responsible for helping your child navigate life. However, you can do this without trying to change their natural personality.
The ongoing drive for parents to mold their kids to be socially acceptable members of society often negates their natural curiosity and characteristics, which sets the stage for inner conflicts and imbalance. If we are honest, most social standards are about compliance and getting along with others, not for the sake of individual needs but for maintaining appropriate social roles.
The roles we are expected to play often involve completing an education that many cannot embrace successfully, which is why so many individuals fail to complete their education or obtain decent grades. Of course, this does not mean a child should not finish school but instead participate in educational goals aligned with their skills and natural abilities.
Parents raise their kids to be social performers at the expense of their true nature. For instance, you have parents who push their kids to be more social when they may be introverts or engage in activities that suppress their creative spirit in exchange for roles that others deem more appropriate.
Though enrolling your kids in activities to enhance their minds may be beneficial, it can also become a burden if they lack the natural skills required for participation. Be mindful of your child’s needs, and do not assume what was right for you may be suitable for your child. Keep in mind that education and social norms had changed a lot from when you were a child, and what worked for you may not be realistic or the best options for you.
Remember that every generation is introduced to new options and developments, and to keep your kid locked into your childhood goals, limit them to an outdated timeframe. However, though you do not want to force them to become something they are not, you still have the role of helping them cope and manage their lives.
The key to helping your child thrive in today’s world is to do some of the following:
- Remember that they are trying to maintain your love, so they may agree to anything even if they don’t care for it
- Don’t force them to do things just because you did them
- Be patient because every child has their developmental process
- Learn to explore with your child what they need from life, rather than tell them
- Learn to listen to the non-verbal styles of communication.
- Be mindful of your words when speaking to your kids; they take everything literally
- Get to know your kids, which means spending time talking directly to them
- Make sure to maintain consistency in their lives, which means regular family dinners and time on the side for discussions
- Do not be afraid to disagree or say no. In saying no, you are not altering their true nature, but you protect them from making poor choices that can endanger their well-being.
Keep in mind being a parent is a balancing act. Just because you accept your child’s views does not mean you have to agree with everything they want or give them everything they ask for. In reality, your role is to teach them how to cope with stress and manage both joy and conflicts. You can help them how to adjust without needing them to fit into unrealistic roles. Again, parenting is a balancing act, and the roles change from child to child.
Copyright © 2020 R. Castro
Holistic Coaching 