High School Reunion Survival Tips

You just found out that your old High School is having a reunion, and you are unsure how to process this.  Now, depending on how many years ago you graduated from High School, the anticipation can run the gamut from excitement to dread.  For the super popular High School kids, reunions can be a fun ride into the old memory lane. For the wall flowers or the teenage acne sufferers, it can be a severe anxiety-producing ordeal.

Why would anyone want to return to their reunion after decades of not dealing with the past? For starters, your curiosity is piqued regarding the present lives of the star athlete, prom queen, your nemesis, or your secret pseudo-psycho-looking crush that got away. Regardless of your reasons, attending a reunion can be daunting for some, and if you are unprepared, it can leave you quite disappointed.  However, before completely giving up on the idea of attending, here are some things to reflect upon:

• You feel worried about being judged over your extreme changes, such as weight gain, hair loss, etc.  The truth is that almost everyone has gained some weight or had some physical change of some type, even if they are hiding behind plastic surgery or loads of makeup.
• You have had a rough life after high school and have some regrets you wish to keep to yourself.  Many folks have experienced some loss of some type or another. Don’t judge yourself for not living the perfect lifestyle.
• People expected you to be successful since you were so popular; however, you are not, so you feel embarrassed.  Being popular in High School does not dictate how your life will turn out. Be easy on yourself and stop worrying about how others perceive you.
• You lack the youthful body and looks you used to be admired for in High School. Few will recognize you due to the significant changes you have physically undergone.  Unless you got plastic surgery, chances are you will look different today than you did back in High School, but so will your classmates.
• You are nervous about-facing folks who bullied or mistreated you in High School. You are not the fearful teenager who got bullied or laughed at, and if you still are, I guarantee there is always someone who will have your back because bullying is not as socially acceptable as it was when you were a teenager.
• You did poorly and are afraid folks will still judge you based on your high school performance. High School is only one part of your life; you are not just who you were in High School, and if some folks view you that way, it means they are stuck and haven’t grown up.
• You are not married or have any kids like many of your High School friends, so you feel left out and different now. You are not the only single person, and I bet some married folks may be more miserable than you.
• You are gay, yet back in High School, you were known as the lady’s-man or the girl all guys wanted. Be happy as you are, and stop worrying about the limited-minded set of those who are intolerant.
• You led a criminal life and did jail time and are entirely mortified. Stuff happens, and I bet you are not the only one who indulged in scandalous activities; I bet some did and just avoided jail time.
• You are hoping to run into your old crush. A word of advice: that personality you adored in High School has grown up and has had life experiences that may have altered how they used to be.
• You are simply curious about old friends.  Curiosity is normal and healthy.  I think visiting old friends is a hoot, so enjoy yourself.

Regardless of your concerns or worries, the fact is, you are not alone.  I guarantee a few folks are thinking the same way as you are. The best thing to do is simply revisit the historical foundations of your life with an open mind and no premature judgment.

Copyright  2024 R. Castro


Recommended reading

The following book gives you an insight into how the writer, Susan Allen Toth, manages to tackle the task of attending her High School Reunion


How to Prepare for Your High School Reunion – Midlife Musings

Why Friendships Change

It’s hard to imagine friendships ending or changing, especially when we have many beautiful memories. Friendships, like romantic relationships, change and eventually fade out of our lives, even if there is no fighting or animosity to cause it to end. 

The truth is that many hold on to certain friendships and relationships out of habit or comfort, as we do with shoes or clothes that no longer fit us. Here is a list of reasons we hold on longer than healthy:

1. Nostalgic connection  
2. Part of a circle of friends
3. We dislike making new friends.
4. We feel bad for them because we are their only friend.
5. They are the only person who tolerates us.
6. We dislike being alone.
7. We rely on them for resources connected to work or other essential networking circles.
8. We are part of the same social groups.
9. They married a family member.
10. Out of habit or routine
11.  Knowing each other since the toddler stages

Change is uncomfortable, and making new friends is daunting, especially for adults. The idea of making new friends can keep us locked into friendships that are not always the healthiest or most gratifying.

Many of us have changed. Due to a number of things, life being life forces us to make choices and decisions that may or may not include people from our past or present. It doesn’t mean one does not matter to them, but that simply our time with them might have morphed due to personal changes, distance, and simply aging. This realization hurts like hell, but I do understand people change with time, and they do outgrow us. Here is a list of factors that contribute to the morphing or fading of old friendships:

1. Priorities change – our need for hanging out with friends can change as we begin to focus on careers and family, which demand more time.
2. We develop separate interests – As we encounter new experiences, we often develop new ways of thinking that may not always blend with others.  
3. Family – not all friends have kids, which can alter the dynamics of old friendships if one person has kids and is not as available.
4. New friendships- Our career often allows us to meet new people, which increases our circle of friends.
5. Relocation – depending on where one move, getting together can become a challenge and often makes it harder to maintain contact on a regular basis.
6. Poor foundation – some friends are friends by default; we met them in school and were held together by nostalgia and not a true connection.
7. We change – as we get older, not only do we mature, but we face a number of life issues that change our perception, and as a result, what we value when we are younger changes as we age.
8. Mental health – untreated mental illness can contribute to problems in all our relationships. It can be difficult to engage regularly with someone when there are untreated mental health issues.

Friendships are wonderful, especially when they contribute to your emotional well-being and allow you to feel supported and validated. Friendships that are exhausting and draining are often based on some obligation and not out of a true desire to be connected. It is ok to reevaluate your role in a friendship and decide how to move from there. Not all friendship evolves in the same way.

Though some friends may be doing their own thing, it is not about our activities or daily communication that keeps us linked, but how we feel when we connect. Do not be quick in cutting ties just because you disagree on some issues. Evaluate your needs and connection quality before turning your back on a friend.


Copyright 2023 R. Castro

Understanding the Soulmate Connections

Once upon a time, before the internet and options for marrying whomever we desired, we were encouraged to be with partners they selected.

The Victorian era helped romanticized marriage, making it more about choices than a social arrangement. Lovers felt a bond to be together, regardless of the odds and the social formalities, which help shape the attitudes toward marriage. Of course, relationships continued to evolve, and individuals became more determined to marry whomever they were strongly attracted to. The need to be united against parents will open a new way of thinking that convinces individuals that their decisions are based on destiny and that their connections were made to be.

Now there is nothing wrong in feeling we found our person. However, it is essential to recognize that what we view as our person often has to do with feeling at ease with an individual with qualities we are unconsciously familiar with due to our childhood connections. Our instant links to someone are less mysterious and esoteric than we think. Many have learned what makes us comfortable and miserable throughout our growing years. 

Though we may not recall details, we have an internal file of emotional memories. Our emotional archives include events that brought us immense joy and sorrow. Though we have forgotten many details connected to our inner filing cabinet, we can recall the emotions with the help of triggering conditions. For instance, the smell of fresh bread can invoke a sense of well-being without necessarily invoking a complete memory. Or the appearance of someone you lock eyes with can make you feel completely at ease and want to be held.

I know you are wondering how we connect to soulmates.

Our personal history is packed not only with emotional archives that were created by different events we encountered, but it is also loaded with beliefs and patterns that shape our preferences and needs. We have stored all associations related to what brings us joy as much as what makes us miserable. Our personal archive awakens whenever we encounter situations that have familiar qualities to our hidden beliefs and patterns.   Yes, on some level connecting to someone who awakens dormant qualities within us is a form of soul awaking.  When we wake from a period of slumber and disconnect from our purpose, we feel alive and revived, and on many levels, that will allow our soul to be fulfilled on many levels; it’s why we feel like we made a significant connection.  Keep in mind that lovers are not the only individuals who can have a substantial impact on our being; the fact is that many individuals contribute to our evolution as individuals.

Copyright 2023. R. Castro

The love Connection

In pursuing romance, we often go through a rollercoaster ride of emotional reactions such as excitement, shock, and sometimes even disgust when meeting new people.  Though we may barely know most people we meet, we express a variety of internal reactions and dialogue. The emotional reactions we experience upon meeting someone new can lay out the foundation for what may happen in the future,

Our reactions to others can be triggered by areas in our past, such as:

1. Most people remind us of someone in our past that created an emotional imprint

2. our unconscious recognizes patterns and activates a gut reaction before our logical mind can decipher analytical information.

3. Our emotional connections often start as triggers that ignite a spark, which we often notice intuitively.

When it comes to connecting, many of us often misread the signs of interest in the other person and either avoid a potential love connection or dart in without thinking.  It is helpful to learn the difference between a possible relationship or just a passing encounter.  Here are some tips on what you can do:

• Take time to get to know the individual since the initial reaction might just be old memories being triggered
• Simply talk to the person to avoid making stories in our head about them
• Keep in mind different behaviors do activate hidden memories that will remind us of people we once liked or disliked
• When an individual expresses interest in getting to know you, take your time in getting to know them; being attracted to someone does not mean they are ready or suitable for us
• Remember, we often categorize people on how we see them rather than how they are.
• Know that a spark can grow into something meaningful, but you must be honest, transparent, and clear about what you want to cultivate a healthy connection.  In other words, don’t play games
• If you are still unsure, continue to spend time with the person so that you can decipher their intentions and availability.

A potential love connection can be remarkable, but we can remain stuck in how we see them or have one-sided desires if we do not communicate our romantic interests. We may uncover that the love spark is only one-way, but on the other hand, it is better to know how someone feels than to spend our time fantasizing about a potential love story that never comes to fruition.

Copyright© 2022 R. Castro

The Awkwardness of Making New Adult Friendships

You are over 15 years old and feeling a tad lonely. Forget being a teen; you are now over your mid 20’s 30’s, etc., and feel lonely. You might even have a dozen friends but still feel lonely because those connections are sometimes superficial and not based on deep connections

The truth is no one prepared us for the adult process of making new friends after our younger years in the playground.

As a child, many of us made friends by merely using the infamous toy and play routine. You recall, someone had a toy, and you simply invited yourself to play with them. The moment you found yourself laughing and having a good time, immediately in your head, you made a new best friend.  Now, as adults, making friends requires a whole different scheme.

As adults, some of us who go to bars are often too drunk and uninhibited to care less about looking foolish, so we talk to anyone who will listen.

However, the average person struggles to make new friends. The sad reality is that as we get older, we lose the childlike tendencies of trust and curiosity. We become cautious, judgmental, and at times jaded. As we got older, many of us face numerous heartbreaks that tainted our faith and others’ trust. We generalize people as a defense mechanism to help us avoid potential disappointment and heartbreak. The truth is our current lack of confidence and faith in the goodness of others makes it difficult for many of us to engage in the dance of creating new friendships.

As children, we did not think of heartbreak, disappointments, or abandonment. We simply existed in the present moment of joy and discovery. But many of us lost that. Sad, isn’t it? To make new friends or embark on romantic entanglements, we have to rethink meeting people’s strategies. 

I honestly do not have all the answers when it comes to making adults friends. I have relocated to Sweden from New York City. Culture and language have been a real barrier to meeting potential friends. However, I also realized that obstacles to meeting new people go beyond culture and language. The fact is, as children, we had no idea of cultural values or differences, yet we bravely attempted to engage with each other. Regardless of what language a kid spoke, we found ways to communicate one way or another. As kids, we didn’t worry about religion or backgrounds until we were taught to look for those differences. 

The key to making friends today does require engagement in everyday activities. But that means if you lack any hobby or means of participating in activities like workshops, gaming, roleplay, or social groups, you are at a loss.

How does one make friends outside the playground?

For starters, you need to know what you need from a friendship.  If all you are looking for is to fill the empty void created by loneliness, you might find yourself settling for unhealthy friendships.

Copyright © 2020 R. Castro