Understanding Substance Abuse

The reality of Substance Abuse has nothing to do with moral purity or whether or not your family is dysfunctional.  Addiction is not manufactured only in broken homes or the dark alleys of Skid Row.  Addiction can happen to anyone at any time or point in their lives, regardless of success, education, religious affiliations, or social status. Individuals do not need to have abusive drug-using parents or are homeless to turn to drugs. Individuals can come from cohesive nuclear families and have parents who earn six figures and take vacations in their summer homes. It is precisely our views about addiction that often lead to enormous shock when someone who comes from a good home abruptly dies without any known history or visible signs of chronic usage. The fact is that many overdoses occur primarily because of experimentation rather than daily use. 

The so-called war on drugs has turned into parades in funeral parlors with no sign of relief any time soon.  Part of the problem of failure to manage drug usage has a lot to do with the ongoing misunderstanding and over-simplification of addiction.  The mere assumption that addiction is something you can simply choose to stop tells us that many have no idea of the intertwined relationships between biological, psychological, and social components.

For starters, there is one constant reason for addiction, as many theories have suggested, because factually, if it were one core problem, the solution would have been designed and implemented eons ago. 

The key components that influence addiction need recognition before a concrete plan of action can be successfully designed and implemented.

• Biological – the brain’s reward system plays a critical role in cravings that often seem to occur out of the blue.
• Psychological – Mental health and emotional states provide the triggering factors in drug-seeking behaviors as individuals seek relief and balance.
• Social – Environmental opportunities facilitate access to both illicit and non-illicit substances. However, most individuals believe that getting rid of street dealers is the primary solution, but the fact is that many individuals get their drugs from the pharmacy and not the streets.

Many professionals believe usage is physical; compelling data presented by the National Institute for Drug Abuse (NIDA) demonstrates a high percentage of being physical, but most people still struggle to accept the data and often ignore books that contain biological explanations.

Most individuals can recognize dependence on heroin or crack but are not prescribed painkillers or mood-stabilizing drugs like benzodiazepine (valium, Klonopin), Xanax, Ativan, etc. One of the main reasons folks do not recognize prescription drugs as a problem has to do with the belief that prescriptions are safe since a licensed doctor prescribed them.

On social levels, drug usage has always been associated with street dealers and low-income neighborhoods, as a result generating surprised reactions when addiction becomes visible in nicer districts.  If there is anything you take away from this blog, it is to remember that addiction can enter any home at any time.

For folks unsure about what substance disorder consists of, it may help to seek objective expert advice from a treatment facility or the rooms of AA.  The benefits of working with clinical experts are that they utilize several diagnostic tools that can be used objectively without moral judgment or reprimand. In addition, The National Criteria for Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, or the Office of Alcohol and Substance Abuse Services, can help with information on referrals and resources to help a person come to grips with their consumption of drugs and alcohol.

Personal note:  I worked in the field of substance abuse for over 40 years, starting while I was finishing my bachelor’s in psychology at Fordham University.  I have witnessed the changes in theories regarding addiction, from the disease model to the psychological and social model.  Throughout the years, I have observed that no one component alone designs addiction. My observation was solidified during the process of obtaining my doctorate in I/O psychology, where my research focus allowed me to fully comprehend the value of holistic treatment approaches that address the bio-psycho-social needs of individuals struggling with substance abuse.

Copyright © 2024 R. Castro

Resources and reading material:

Resources

I have included a few links with information on the biological and social aspects of Substance abuse.

The Neurobiology of addiction
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6767400/

The Science Behind Addiction
https://www.naatp.org/addiction-treatment-resources/understanding-addiction

Prescription Drugs Are Far More Deadly Than Street Drugs
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201404/prescription-drugs-are-far-more-deadly-street-drugs

Reading Material

I have added a few books for individuals who wish to read more about the nature of addiction.  Keep in mind that some of the books focus heavily on the brain’s role in addiction, which may be off-putting for individuals who dislike scientific jargon.  I do recommend reading the science behind substance use because it provides a prescriptive that is necessary for understanding the biological aspects of cravings. I also included information for those who have family members struggling with substance abuse.


10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much by Lisa Frederiksen

Understanding and Helping an Addict (and keeping your sanity) Paperback –by Dr. Andrew Proulx (Author)

 

High School Reunion Survival Tips

You just found out that your old High School is having a reunion, and you are unsure how to process this.  Now, depending on how many years ago you graduated from High School, the anticipation can run the gamut from excitement to dread.  For the super popular High School kids, reunions can be a fun ride into the old memory lane. For the wall flowers or the teenage acne sufferers, it can be a severe anxiety-producing ordeal.

Why would anyone want to return to their reunion after decades of not dealing with the past? For starters, your curiosity is piqued regarding the present lives of the star athlete, prom queen, your nemesis, or your secret pseudo-psycho-looking crush that got away. Regardless of your reasons, attending a reunion can be daunting for some, and if you are unprepared, it can leave you quite disappointed.  However, before completely giving up on the idea of attending, here are some things to reflect upon:

• You feel worried about being judged over your extreme changes, such as weight gain, hair loss, etc.  The truth is that almost everyone has gained some weight or had some physical change of some type, even if they are hiding behind plastic surgery or loads of makeup.
• You have had a rough life after high school and have some regrets you wish to keep to yourself.  Many folks have experienced some loss of some type or another. Don’t judge yourself for not living the perfect lifestyle.
• People expected you to be successful since you were so popular; however, you are not, so you feel embarrassed.  Being popular in High School does not dictate how your life will turn out. Be easy on yourself and stop worrying about how others perceive you.
• You lack the youthful body and looks you used to be admired for in High School. Few will recognize you due to the significant changes you have physically undergone.  Unless you got plastic surgery, chances are you will look different today than you did back in High School, but so will your classmates.
• You are nervous about-facing folks who bullied or mistreated you in High School. You are not the fearful teenager who got bullied or laughed at, and if you still are, I guarantee there is always someone who will have your back because bullying is not as socially acceptable as it was when you were a teenager.
• You did poorly and are afraid folks will still judge you based on your high school performance. High School is only one part of your life; you are not just who you were in High School, and if some folks view you that way, it means they are stuck and haven’t grown up.
• You are not married or have any kids like many of your High School friends, so you feel left out and different now. You are not the only single person, and I bet some married folks may be more miserable than you.
• You are gay, yet back in High School, you were known as the lady’s-man or the girl all guys wanted. Be happy as you are, and stop worrying about the limited-minded set of those who are intolerant.
• You led a criminal life and did jail time and are entirely mortified. Stuff happens, and I bet you are not the only one who indulged in scandalous activities; I bet some did and just avoided jail time.
• You are hoping to run into your old crush. A word of advice: that personality you adored in High School has grown up and has had life experiences that may have altered how they used to be.
• You are simply curious about old friends.  Curiosity is normal and healthy.  I think visiting old friends is a hoot, so enjoy yourself.

Regardless of your concerns or worries, the fact is, you are not alone.  I guarantee a few folks are thinking the same way as you are. The best thing to do is simply revisit the historical foundations of your life with an open mind and no premature judgment.

Copyright  2024 R. Castro


Recommended reading

The following book gives you an insight into how the writer, Susan Allen Toth, manages to tackle the task of attending her High School Reunion


How to Prepare for Your High School Reunion – Midlife Musings

Spring Clearing – The Basics of De-cluttering

Some of us enjoy the idea of Spring Cleaning or, as I call it, Spring Clearing. However, not everyone enjoys or knows how to tackle clearing one space, let alone an entire home or apartment. There is a lot to be said about a decluttered space. I am sure many already know since decluttering is a hot YouTube topic, and many folks, such as Marie Kondo, have become famous for their decluttering technique.   

I am not here to promote extreme decluttering or deep-dive cleaning; in reality, not everyone’s idea of a cozy home involves a sterile environment with minimalistic decorative trinkets. However, I am here to offer some practical suggestions since a decluttered home does reduce stress, keeps you better focused, and will help you find your keys faster.

The idea of decluttering is to offer you enjoyment of personal space. Whether you are neat or messy, I am sure there have been periods you wish you could find effective ways to declutter, clean, or organize with some efficacy.

Let’s begin reframing how we will tackle the task of decluttering.  We are going to focus on Spring Clearing our space. Before you can truly clean, you need to clear your space. You will need to do some of the following to help you get started. Let’s begin:

• Begin today – Toss out the trash from your trash cans in every room.
• Do dishes – Wash your dishes; when they are done, “dry” them and put them away.
• Clear Refrigerator – Get rid of every item you know has long expired or simply don’t care to eat. Yes, you will create more garbage, but you can toss it out today.
• Clear Dining table – Put away anything that does not belong on your table, papers, old fruits, anything and everything that you know you need to put away.
• Bathroom – get rid of empty bottles (if you keep them to remember the brand, take a photo), tiny soaps, outdated medicine, vitamins, etc.
• Scrub your tub and sink – clean your tub or shower.  You don’t need fancy cleaning products; vinegar with baking soda will scrub grim away nicely.
• Clear your bed – Remove whatever you have dumped on your bed, such as clothes, books, and anything you place there for later. Now it’s time to hang the clothes on your bed and put all the books in their bookcases. If you don’t have a bookcase, pile them neatly in a corner.

I didn’t add the other rooms because if you have more than one room, I am sure the mess also extends beyond that space. You can try to do everything in one day, but if you burn out, you will stop, and the mess will remain.  I recommend you start immediately and avoid letting potential procrastination get in the way of your need to declutter. The next thing you will do is create a plan for Spring clearing.

Your General Spring Clearing Project

1. Make a list – Write down a list of rooms that require clearing.
2. Sub-list for each room – For each room list the different tasks needed to clear the room.  I am not talking about redecorating; I am just clearing and cleaning.
3. Select a day– Pick a day when you are off from work or school, put it on your phone calendar, and add 48 and 24-hour reminders.
4. Cleaning Budget – create a simple and realistic budget for cleaning and storage supplies. Your supplies should include large garbage bags for each room and cleaning products.  Maybe a few storage containers for storing excess stuff. 
5. Trash day schedule– If possible, coordinate your clearing day with trash and recycle  day to avoid keeping the trash longer than necessary
6. Stick to one room at a time –Make every effort to clear each room before tackling another and before cleaning.
7. Start with garbage – Tossing your rubbish into the garbage bags and clearing all furniture, clothes, dishes, etc., before cleaning.
8. Donation days – Plan on donating the stuff you don’t need and is still in decent condition. Get information about the places that pick-up donations as well as the days you can donate items.
   
   For the clearing project to really work, make sure to do the following:

• Empty the trash immediately.
• Arrange for the pickup of your donation or drop them off.
• You can also attempt to sell on eBay, but toss it if it doesn’t sell in less than 30 days.
• When you have duplicates, keep only one or two of the same items and donate or sell the rest.
• If an item is broken, toss it, and you genuinely don’t know how to fix it, toss it because the fact is, you deserve nice-looking things.
• If you are too tired to tackle everything, get someone to help you, or just do an hour or two each day on your own.

It does take time to clear and clean, but if you do a little at a time, things will get done as long as you don’t stop before completion.

Copyright © 2024 R. Castro

Recommendations

For more information or ideas on decluttering, feel free to click on the attached links. I also included a book by the well known decluttering queen herself Marie Kondo. Though I think she is a tad extreme in some of her methods, there is obviously a lot value in her approach. I recommend you that when you read her book, as a matter fact any book you get, take what you need and discard what doesn’t fit your lifestyle needs.

Decluttering at the Speed of Life: Winning Your Never-Ending Battle with Stuff by Dana K. White 

Version 1.0.0

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo

Coping with the Psychological Side of Physical Illness

There is a tendency to overlook the psychological components of getting sick, mainly because when we get ill, our body’s discomfort tends to overwhelm our ability to think clearly. We often encounter various challenges when we get sick that keep us relatively preoccupied and so consumed that we overlook our mental status. 

The natural worry about getting better and returning to a state of physical function does impact our mental state on many levels. Depending on how we typically live, getting ill can be more than a physical inconvenience; it can also be an emotional challenge for many of us.  For some individuals, getting ill can create feelings of vulnerability, frustration, annoyance, and depression.  The range of emotional states can create the perfect platform for making us feel defeated, fragile, and lost. Of course, depending on our illness, our emotional reactions will run the gamut from mild frustration to deep depression. Let’s explore some reasons behind our feelings:

•  For super-independent people, getting ill means delays with projects and relying on others.
• You have a young family or an elderly person who relies on you as their primary caretaker.
• We are often told to do things to avoid illness, and when we do get sick, it is natural to blame ourselves for failing to stay healthy.
• We may feel broken since we are limited in how we can function.
• We feel betrayed by our body since we did everything correctly to stay healthy, such as taking vitamins, limiting our calorie intake, and exercising regularly, yet we still got ill.
• We can become anxious over financial realities since many individuals may not have enough savings to stay at home to recover from illness.
• We may experience isolation depending on the illness we contracted.
• We may not have anyone in our circle of friends or family living nearby to assist us through our illness.
• Our recovery prognosis is not hopeful, so we feel doomed to a life of limitations.
• We lack the financial means to obtain proper medication or treatments to help our healing process.
• Our insurance does not cover every aspect of treatment.
• The medical system is challenged by economic priorities that clash with your finances, which adds to your mental state.

Our mental well-being is a core component of our ability to heal and overcome medical challenges.  The more we feel depressed, anxious, or frustrated, the harder it is to heal.  There is no easy remedy for overcoming emotional distress created by physical illness, but there are practical steps you can take to help.  For starters, here are a few tips.

• Be patient, and allow time to be your friend for now.
• Be kind and compassionate with yourself. In other words, treat yourself with the kindness and compassion you would show a small child.
• Focus on improving the quality of your life rather than trying to reset the clock.
• Keep a journal to help you sort out your intense feelings.
• Do something kind for yourself daily, such as eating breakfast, showering, or watching your favorite shows.
• Get online therapy if you can.
• Avoid being a superhero and let others help.
• If someone offers help, accept it.
• Feed your body daily, even if it’s small quantities. Lack of food will tamper with your moods.
• If you can’t go to the supermarket, look for online food options that deliver to your location.
• Avoid eating junk food since it will zap your energy levels even more.
• Try to get some sun for about 15 minutes unless you are on medications that require avoiding sunlight.
• Honor your body and allow it to heal in its proper timeframe.
• Follow medical recommendations unless you don’t feel your doctor is listening to your concerns.
• Be your medical advocate. Never be afraid to ask questions regarding your treatment, options, and what to expect.  
• If your private doctor makes you uncomfortable asking questions, get a second opinion. Never allow anyone to intimidate you into silence.
• Read all about the side effects of your medications. Ask your pharmacists since they can provide a printed list of side effects for all your medications.
• If you are working, ask your HRA person for help in seeking financial resources.
• You can apply for social security disability online if your illness is chronic and will impede your employment.

I will be honest: as I write this, I get emotionally charged because I know too many folks who have faced the situations listed in the blog. I also have had medical struggles that left me emotionally overwhelmed, but luckily, I live in Sweden, and the medical care covers everything; plus, I have a super supportive partner. However, if I had been at the time in my apartment in NYC, I may not have recovered completely and would still be owing thousands of dollars. Of course, I still faced emotional challenges, even while living in an ideal situation, which is why I wrote this blog. 

I know that every individual is different and that there is no one quick fix that can take care of every issue we encounter.  However, if there is anything you can take from this blog, it is the idea of being patient with yourself. Healing takes whatever time it takes, and the only thing you can do is take baby steps to improve the quality of your life.

Copyright 2023, R. Castro

Grief and its Impact on Relationships

No two people manage their grief the same way. The length and gravity of our grieving process will differ from person to person. Regardless, if you faced similar tragedies or crises with someone in your life, neither of you will handle grief the same way.  Our personalities and abilities to process and feel emotions will determine how we cope with situations. 

Grief impacts each of us differently, and when we are part of a romantic relationship, it can either make or break a relationship. During periods of emotional distress, couples do not cope as a unit; instead, they manage as individuals.  It is essential to understand that just because you are in a relationship with someone does not mean their coping skills morph into yours.  

Our emotional styles of expression are ours regardless of how much we love our partners, which means that during a crisis, some may be overwhelmed or shocked by our behaviors.  For instance, here is a list of how some may cope and how our partners may react:


1. Feeling alone – Not being able to join in the healing journey with our partner can create isolation and eventually promote resentment.

2. Crying cycles for long periods. Our partners may feel inadequate in their ability to comfort us, making you both resentful.

3. Lack of emotional expression – This may unnerve those who are emotionally comfortable expressing their feelings and may view this as coldness and detachment.

4. Mood swings – Erratic mood fluctuations can be exhausting and destabilizing since there is no way of anticipating the change.

5. Poor coping habits – Self-destructive patterns such as anesthetizing behaviors such as consuming recreational drugs and copious amounts of alcohol or over-shopping beyond one’s budget can create stress in a relationship for apparent reasons.

6. Shutting down and withdrawing – When our partner stops talking and begins to retreat into isolation within the relationship, it can be daunting and fosters feelings of abandonment, especially since both individuals are equally grieving.

7. Avoiding the elephant in the living – Trying to live life without closure after a tragedy has pros and cons since things left unsaid can create distance and resentment.

8. Not being supportive – Feeling like our partner is not allowing us to express our grief in our style can sometimes feel unsupportive and even lonely.

9. Blaming each other for events – Secretly or even openly blaming the other person for their role in the tragic events.  For example, believing one’s partner was to blame for not taking proper actions.

10. Being stuck and unable to process – Sometimes, one person’s grief evolves and defines how they view life, specifically if they cannot let go and make peace with their loss.  Example – loss of a child.

Everyone grieves differently, and the ability to move on differs from individual to individual.  Regardless of the nature of the event, whether it is the loss of a child, home, parent, or job, individuals have their own unique style of coping with grief.  For couples to manage, each individual must find a concrete path of healing and recognize that their partner will take the path that suits their individual needs.  The key is not to personalize anyone’s coping style since after all, being a couple does not mean one becomes identical.

Copyright Ó2023 R. Castro

Coping with Love triangles

What happens when you love someone who is in love with someone else? How do you manage to hang in there and wait for the miracle of love?

It’s not easy loving someone who is part of a love triangle. It means waiting and patiently hoping they will see your worth. The truth is that in a love triangle, no one is better than anyone else.  Though the love selection might seem to be about who is a better fit for the person, being a better fit for someone does not mean you are less worthy, less attractive, or less of a person.

People take partners based on what they need and how they function as a couple.  However, the individual not selected to be the primary partner in a lover’s triangle often feels left out, broken, and inadequate. There is a tendency to critically look at oneself as a failure for not ensuring love or winning the heart of the one we want.

We tend to select partners that often mimic the relationship dynamics of our parents or those we knew while growing up and assumed were normal. Even if a current relationship duplicates the dysfunction, we grew a happy and balanced relationship.

Our romantic attraction is often designed by what we grew up regarding as the ideal romantic union, which means that regardless of how good or bad a person may be for us, our attraction to a specific type will win out to logic. In truth, this is where talking to a therapist or spiritual coach can be valuable in helping us figure out why we are willing to be a third piece to a love triangle.

In the case of a love triangle, we select the person that feels most familiar with what we consider our relationship “type.”  Though we often think our romantic selections are based only on how attractive a person is, the fact is, the appearance is only packaging. Still, our attraction is more profound than the looks, which is why sometimes individuals go after someone others find unattractive.

In short, if you are not selected to be the main love interest in a love triangle, do not judge yourself as unworthy or unattractive. Remember, our love connections have a lot to do with our historical programming on love relationships and not our worth.  Though we may see ourselves as unworthy of good relationships, it does not mean we are indeed unworthy.  Here are some practical ways to cope:

• See the help of someone neutral who is not a friend to anyone in the triangle.
• Make a checklist of the pros and cons of retaining your role in the relationship.
• Ask yourself, are you happy most of the time or only once in a while?
• How often do you get to participate in this love triangle?
• What role do you play?  Are you the emotional caretaker, the financial provider, or the family babysitter?
• How often do you get your needs met in this triangle?
• Did you ever get to enjoy date night?
• Do you feel loved or used?

I realize answering some questions can be painful and hard to explore.  If you find yourself struggling to answer any questions, it may be time to talk to someone in order to sort out your needs realistically. Keep in mind, just because someone tells you they love you it does not mean you owe them a relationship.  Love is more than a word; it is also an act of affection and respect towards those that matter

Copyright 2023 R. Castro