Understanding Substance Abuse

The reality of Substance Abuse has nothing to do with moral purity or whether or not your family is dysfunctional.  Addiction is not manufactured only in broken homes or the dark alleys of Skid Row.  Addiction can happen to anyone at any time or point in their lives, regardless of success, education, religious affiliations, or social status. Individuals do not need to have abusive drug-using parents or are homeless to turn to drugs. Individuals can come from cohesive nuclear families and have parents who earn six figures and take vacations in their summer homes. It is precisely our views about addiction that often lead to enormous shock when someone who comes from a good home abruptly dies without any known history or visible signs of chronic usage. The fact is that many overdoses occur primarily because of experimentation rather than daily use. 

The so-called war on drugs has turned into parades in funeral parlors with no sign of relief any time soon.  Part of the problem of failure to manage drug usage has a lot to do with the ongoing misunderstanding and over-simplification of addiction.  The mere assumption that addiction is something you can simply choose to stop tells us that many have no idea of the intertwined relationships between biological, psychological, and social components.

For starters, there is one constant reason for addiction, as many theories have suggested, because factually, if it were one core problem, the solution would have been designed and implemented eons ago. 

The key components that influence addiction need recognition before a concrete plan of action can be successfully designed and implemented.

• Biological – the brain’s reward system plays a critical role in cravings that often seem to occur out of the blue.
• Psychological – Mental health and emotional states provide the triggering factors in drug-seeking behaviors as individuals seek relief and balance.
• Social – Environmental opportunities facilitate access to both illicit and non-illicit substances. However, most individuals believe that getting rid of street dealers is the primary solution, but the fact is that many individuals get their drugs from the pharmacy and not the streets.

Many professionals believe usage is physical; compelling data presented by the National Institute for Drug Abuse (NIDA) demonstrates a high percentage of being physical, but most people still struggle to accept the data and often ignore books that contain biological explanations.

Most individuals can recognize dependence on heroin or crack but are not prescribed painkillers or mood-stabilizing drugs like benzodiazepine (valium, Klonopin), Xanax, Ativan, etc. One of the main reasons folks do not recognize prescription drugs as a problem has to do with the belief that prescriptions are safe since a licensed doctor prescribed them.

On social levels, drug usage has always been associated with street dealers and low-income neighborhoods, as a result generating surprised reactions when addiction becomes visible in nicer districts.  If there is anything you take away from this blog, it is to remember that addiction can enter any home at any time.

For folks unsure about what substance disorder consists of, it may help to seek objective expert advice from a treatment facility or the rooms of AA.  The benefits of working with clinical experts are that they utilize several diagnostic tools that can be used objectively without moral judgment or reprimand. In addition, The National Criteria for Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, or the Office of Alcohol and Substance Abuse Services, can help with information on referrals and resources to help a person come to grips with their consumption of drugs and alcohol.

Personal note:  I worked in the field of substance abuse for over 40 years, starting while I was finishing my bachelor’s in psychology at Fordham University.  I have witnessed the changes in theories regarding addiction, from the disease model to the psychological and social model.  Throughout the years, I have observed that no one component alone designs addiction. My observation was solidified during the process of obtaining my doctorate in I/O psychology, where my research focus allowed me to fully comprehend the value of holistic treatment approaches that address the bio-psycho-social needs of individuals struggling with substance abuse.

Copyright © 2024 R. Castro

Resources and reading material:

Resources

I have included a few links with information on the biological and social aspects of Substance abuse.

The Neurobiology of addiction
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6767400/

The Science Behind Addiction
https://www.naatp.org/addiction-treatment-resources/understanding-addiction

Prescription Drugs Are Far More Deadly Than Street Drugs
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201404/prescription-drugs-are-far-more-deadly-street-drugs

Reading Material

I have added a few books for individuals who wish to read more about the nature of addiction.  Keep in mind that some of the books focus heavily on the brain’s role in addiction, which may be off-putting for individuals who dislike scientific jargon.  I do recommend reading the science behind substance use because it provides a prescriptive that is necessary for understanding the biological aspects of cravings. I also included information for those who have family members struggling with substance abuse.


10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much by Lisa Frederiksen

Understanding and Helping an Addict (and keeping your sanity) Paperback –by Dr. Andrew Proulx (Author)

 

Taking Charge of Your Life

Many of us dream about having a better handle on life matters. We often look at others, believing they have a better lifestyle or are much more stable because they have what we think we lack.  The reality is we do not know 100% what others have faced or overcome to get to where they are today.  Even when we have known someone for a long time, we are not always aware of everything that goes on.  Everyone struggles at one point or another. The key is not the struggles we face that make or break us but how we manage them. The difference between specific individuals is that they have fewer obstacles or more luck, but they learn to manage what we often think is unmanageable.

We are all faced with numerous obstacles, opportunities, and personal assets. Yet not everyone will see their blessings or even recognize their worth or personal assets as tools for overcoming obstacles.  The problem in overcoming barriers comes from the way we view things. The more we believe we are limited and unable to change, the more stuck we remain. There are a few elements that keep us glued to patterns that keep us from living a fulfilling life, such as:

• Poor self-image:  We see ourselves as damaged and unworthy of good things.
• Stuck in beliefs: We avoid seeing things differently because the familiar is easier to handle. It is easier to hold on to beliefs we have held for years because change is scary and a completely unknown process. 
• Negative Reinforcement: We are often surrounded by situations and routines that reinforce adverse outcomes.
• Unsupportive Connections: Our relationships are packed with negative individuals who repeatedly feed our self-doubts through their comments.
• Give up easily: Whenever we start a self-help regimen, we give up if we don’t see immediate results.
• No self-patience: We tend to want instant results, and if we don’t get things quickly, we give up.
• Used to Crumbs: There is a tendency to settle for the bare essentials and not expect more. 

We tend to hold on to how we do things, not always because we want to, but mostly because we have no idea how to improve or change.  The fact is that change is not as simple as we like to think. For instance, someone living in a toxic home knows they need to move but is economically stuck for several reasons that some may not fully comprehend.  Some individuals cannot work due to health or educational limitations or having children. Some folks are economic hostages since they have no personal income or means to earn a living that will sustain independence. Therefore, change can be tricky for individuals who depend on others who are not very kind. Yet how does one take charge?  If you have been reading this blog, for starters, it means you have access to the internet.  Here are tips to help you take charge:

• Improve how you see yourself- the opinions and views of others are theirs and do not have to be yours.
• Standing up – you can assert yourself without aggression or fighting and stand up for yourself by learning to believe in “you.”
• Stop trying to change others – You do not improve your views or life by changing others.  Change begins with you and how you see things. 
• Internal Self-improvement – you do not need to change your looks or have any money to change how you see yourself. Change begins with our thoughts and beliefs, which require mental modification.
•  Perfection is not required – change does not mean you need to be perfect; change is about improving and eliminating what causes disharmony in your life.
• Being in Charge – Taking control is a personal journey; only you can determine what that means and looks like.
• Keep a journal – document your moods, thoughts, and progress to help you trace patterns and reinforce improvements.

 Taking charge of one’s life is a process that does not occur overnight. It does involve doing things daily that foster a new way of thinking.  Change may be uncomfortable and foreign to many; however, it is through constant effort that things improve our lives. Regardless of how you feel during your journey of self-improvement, avoid giving up on yourself.

Copyright 2024. R. Castro

Recommended Resources
I have included some resources for you to explore. The first is a book to help you sort things out, plus a few videos to get you to develop some practices to help you along the way.

Recommended Book
I find it helpful to get ideas from other sources, especially when I feel stuck.

Fiercely Joyful: 11 Keys to Living Authentically & Creating a Life You Love Paperback by Natasha Craig Durkins

Useful meditations and affirmations

4-minute Manifestation

Kickstart your day

3-minute meditation
https://youtu.be/nxt01oIUVKk?si=fHjqap0PbGOj-J8G

Reducing negative thinking

Family Patterns

Our current status in life is often a reflection of our beginnings. How we were prepared for the future as children has set the stage for today’s events. As kids, we had no idea or choice in how others treated or influenced us. However, as we get older and gain experience, whatever we learn as children can be unlearned and reformatted to assist us in creating a better life.

Fortunately, not everyone had the same childhood, which means that not everyone has to work at healing through loads of patterns. However, it is essential to recognize how certain learned behaviors shape the type of partner or friends we bring into our lives.  Also, the patterns from our childhood will impact how well or poorly we get along currently with family and others.

Our initial history has influenced the following areas:

• Attracting abusive individuals – We gravitate to what we know when it comes to attracting new people.
• Repetitive Sabotaging behavior– there is a tendency to relive patterns that hurt and keep us; we often do so because of predictable outcomes, even if they are harmful. As the saying goes, “Better the devil you know than the one you don’t.”
• Poor communication skills – There is a tendency to avoid hot topics because, historically, we have witnessed adverse outcomes from confrontations.
• Fear of closeness – Being able to relax with others may not have been a normal activity due to constant chaotic patterns or ongoing bickering.
• Limited trust – You discovered that sharing secrets often created problems or led to betrayal.
• Parental Role Models – Living with parents who did not provide good parental skills will make us question our ability to raise kids or even want them out of fear of repeating history.
• Undiagnosed Mental Disorders – Unstable family life often means that children with mental or emotional disorders go undiagnosed and are often treated as “difficult “children.
• Negative Coping styles – self-soothing with unhealthy choices such as drugs, alcohol, overeating, or over-shopping is typical in unstable homes.
• Low Self-esteem – We learn to see ourselves in the worst possible light due to negative reinforcement from chronic criticism and put-downs.
• Partners Mimicking Parental Behaviors– There is a tendency to date partners who represent our parents; as a result, they repeat certain behaviors very similar to our parents.
• Current Family Relationships – Our present-day family relationships may be stuck in the past, and we struggle to gain respect from our parents or siblings.

Breaking patterns and getting others to see what we see regarding relationship dynamics is not easy. The truth is that we cannot change how others behave, but we can influence how they treat us. However, before we can improve any relationship with others, we need to identify our patterns, develop ways to improve ourselves and build healthy boundaries.

Here are some things to do:

1. Get a journal – take some time and write down how you feel about or view your childhood. Make sure to add all the details honestly.
2. Describe childhood views– How do you recall your childhood, and how did it shape your beliefs today? You can keep this simple by using a few words.
3. Identify negative Coping Skills – what poor coping skills did you inherit from your family?
4. Belief system – what beliefs and customs are shared by your parents or caretakers that you consider good or bad?
5. Trace your patterns – what type of patterns keep you stuck?
6. What personality traits – did you inherit from your parents or caretaker?

There is a lot to review regarding our patterns and behaviors. It is not enough to state that we had a happy or lousy childhood because too many variables contribute to our current state of being. We are complex individuals with ever-changing views and patterns. However, the idea of exploring patterns will give us more insight and opportunities to improve as best as possible.

Recommended Reading

This book was selected because it offers individuals additional tips and methods for reviewing their unique patterns as individuals and how they impact the quality of relationships as a whole. I hope you enjoy the information and remember always to take what helps, and if you find something that doesn’t align with your views, it’s okay to disagree with them.

How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self by Dr. Nicole LePera

High School Reunion Survival Tips

You just found out that your old High School is having a reunion, and you are unsure how to process this.  Now, depending on how many years ago you graduated from High School, the anticipation can run the gamut from excitement to dread.  For the super popular High School kids, reunions can be a fun ride into the old memory lane. For the wall flowers or the teenage acne sufferers, it can be a severe anxiety-producing ordeal.

Why would anyone want to return to their reunion after decades of not dealing with the past? For starters, your curiosity is piqued regarding the present lives of the star athlete, prom queen, your nemesis, or your secret pseudo-psycho-looking crush that got away. Regardless of your reasons, attending a reunion can be daunting for some, and if you are unprepared, it can leave you quite disappointed.  However, before completely giving up on the idea of attending, here are some things to reflect upon:

• You feel worried about being judged over your extreme changes, such as weight gain, hair loss, etc.  The truth is that almost everyone has gained some weight or had some physical change of some type, even if they are hiding behind plastic surgery or loads of makeup.
• You have had a rough life after high school and have some regrets you wish to keep to yourself.  Many folks have experienced some loss of some type or another. Don’t judge yourself for not living the perfect lifestyle.
• People expected you to be successful since you were so popular; however, you are not, so you feel embarrassed.  Being popular in High School does not dictate how your life will turn out. Be easy on yourself and stop worrying about how others perceive you.
• You lack the youthful body and looks you used to be admired for in High School. Few will recognize you due to the significant changes you have physically undergone.  Unless you got plastic surgery, chances are you will look different today than you did back in High School, but so will your classmates.
• You are nervous about-facing folks who bullied or mistreated you in High School. You are not the fearful teenager who got bullied or laughed at, and if you still are, I guarantee there is always someone who will have your back because bullying is not as socially acceptable as it was when you were a teenager.
• You did poorly and are afraid folks will still judge you based on your high school performance. High School is only one part of your life; you are not just who you were in High School, and if some folks view you that way, it means they are stuck and haven’t grown up.
• You are not married or have any kids like many of your High School friends, so you feel left out and different now. You are not the only single person, and I bet some married folks may be more miserable than you.
• You are gay, yet back in High School, you were known as the lady’s-man or the girl all guys wanted. Be happy as you are, and stop worrying about the limited-minded set of those who are intolerant.
• You led a criminal life and did jail time and are entirely mortified. Stuff happens, and I bet you are not the only one who indulged in scandalous activities; I bet some did and just avoided jail time.
• You are hoping to run into your old crush. A word of advice: that personality you adored in High School has grown up and has had life experiences that may have altered how they used to be.
• You are simply curious about old friends.  Curiosity is normal and healthy.  I think visiting old friends is a hoot, so enjoy yourself.

Regardless of your concerns or worries, the fact is, you are not alone.  I guarantee a few folks are thinking the same way as you are. The best thing to do is simply revisit the historical foundations of your life with an open mind and no premature judgment.

Copyright  2024 R. Castro


Recommended reading

The following book gives you an insight into how the writer, Susan Allen Toth, manages to tackle the task of attending her High School Reunion


How to Prepare for Your High School Reunion – Midlife Musings

Spring Clearing – The Basics of De-cluttering

Some of us enjoy the idea of Spring Cleaning or, as I call it, Spring Clearing. However, not everyone enjoys or knows how to tackle clearing one space, let alone an entire home or apartment. There is a lot to be said about a decluttered space. I am sure many already know since decluttering is a hot YouTube topic, and many folks, such as Marie Kondo, have become famous for their decluttering technique.   

I am not here to promote extreme decluttering or deep-dive cleaning; in reality, not everyone’s idea of a cozy home involves a sterile environment with minimalistic decorative trinkets. However, I am here to offer some practical suggestions since a decluttered home does reduce stress, keeps you better focused, and will help you find your keys faster.

The idea of decluttering is to offer you enjoyment of personal space. Whether you are neat or messy, I am sure there have been periods you wish you could find effective ways to declutter, clean, or organize with some efficacy.

Let’s begin reframing how we will tackle the task of decluttering.  We are going to focus on Spring Clearing our space. Before you can truly clean, you need to clear your space. You will need to do some of the following to help you get started. Let’s begin:

• Begin today – Toss out the trash from your trash cans in every room.
• Do dishes – Wash your dishes; when they are done, “dry” them and put them away.
• Clear Refrigerator – Get rid of every item you know has long expired or simply don’t care to eat. Yes, you will create more garbage, but you can toss it out today.
• Clear Dining table – Put away anything that does not belong on your table, papers, old fruits, anything and everything that you know you need to put away.
• Bathroom – get rid of empty bottles (if you keep them to remember the brand, take a photo), tiny soaps, outdated medicine, vitamins, etc.
• Scrub your tub and sink – clean your tub or shower.  You don’t need fancy cleaning products; vinegar with baking soda will scrub grim away nicely.
• Clear your bed – Remove whatever you have dumped on your bed, such as clothes, books, and anything you place there for later. Now it’s time to hang the clothes on your bed and put all the books in their bookcases. If you don’t have a bookcase, pile them neatly in a corner.

I didn’t add the other rooms because if you have more than one room, I am sure the mess also extends beyond that space. You can try to do everything in one day, but if you burn out, you will stop, and the mess will remain.  I recommend you start immediately and avoid letting potential procrastination get in the way of your need to declutter. The next thing you will do is create a plan for Spring clearing.

Your General Spring Clearing Project

1. Make a list – Write down a list of rooms that require clearing.
2. Sub-list for each room – For each room list the different tasks needed to clear the room.  I am not talking about redecorating; I am just clearing and cleaning.
3. Select a day– Pick a day when you are off from work or school, put it on your phone calendar, and add 48 and 24-hour reminders.
4. Cleaning Budget – create a simple and realistic budget for cleaning and storage supplies. Your supplies should include large garbage bags for each room and cleaning products.  Maybe a few storage containers for storing excess stuff. 
5. Trash day schedule– If possible, coordinate your clearing day with trash and recycle  day to avoid keeping the trash longer than necessary
6. Stick to one room at a time –Make every effort to clear each room before tackling another and before cleaning.
7. Start with garbage – Tossing your rubbish into the garbage bags and clearing all furniture, clothes, dishes, etc., before cleaning.
8. Donation days – Plan on donating the stuff you don’t need and is still in decent condition. Get information about the places that pick-up donations as well as the days you can donate items.
   
   For the clearing project to really work, make sure to do the following:

• Empty the trash immediately.
• Arrange for the pickup of your donation or drop them off.
• You can also attempt to sell on eBay, but toss it if it doesn’t sell in less than 30 days.
• When you have duplicates, keep only one or two of the same items and donate or sell the rest.
• If an item is broken, toss it, and you genuinely don’t know how to fix it, toss it because the fact is, you deserve nice-looking things.
• If you are too tired to tackle everything, get someone to help you, or just do an hour or two each day on your own.

It does take time to clear and clean, but if you do a little at a time, things will get done as long as you don’t stop before completion.

Copyright © 2024 R. Castro

Recommendations

For more information or ideas on decluttering, feel free to click on the attached links. I also included a book by the well known decluttering queen herself Marie Kondo. Though I think she is a tad extreme in some of her methods, there is obviously a lot value in her approach. I recommend you that when you read her book, as a matter fact any book you get, take what you need and discard what doesn’t fit your lifestyle needs.

Decluttering at the Speed of Life: Winning Your Never-Ending Battle with Stuff by Dana K. White 

Version 1.0.0

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo

Re-framing Old Patterns

Many of us realize that we often get in the way of our happiness based on old beliefs and patterns.  It is easy to state that we may be our worst enemy, yet it is not easy to change.

Though change may be monumental for many, it is still possible and doable. The first step in making proactive improvements is to begin small and remain consistent.  Remember that we never arrive where we are overnight; everything starts gradually, whether our current situations consist of bad habits, out-of-control stress, excess weight, bad relationships, or a hoarder’s nest.  

The core element of change is our beliefs.  The more we eliminate self-sabotaging beliefs, the easier change becomes and the more permanent the outcomes.  However, it does not matter how many self-help books you read, how many therapy sessions you attend, or how often you talk about your issues; as long as you hold on to negative key beliefs, change will not be permanent, and relapse is unavoidable.   

We all have patterns, whether negative or positive; we still have them. Frankly, listing your patterns may help identify your weak areas, but action and maintenance are always the key.

The question to ask yourself is, how are you when it comes to daily self-care and maintenance?  Are you the type that starts strong and loves implementing changes, but when you reach your goal, you stop the routines? Don’t lose heart; most folks stop the work of maintenance once they reach their goal.  Many folks enjoy the starting process, such as joining a gym, buying groceries and supplements for new diets, decluttering, and organizing their homes, etc., but when it comes to the part of daily upkeep, they stop.    

Starting goals creates energy driven by purpose, but things become mundane once the outcome is achieved.  To reformat your patterns for positive longevity, you need to change your way of behaving, not just your way of thinking or believing. Engaging in behaviors that foster upkeep beyond your goal attainment is essential.  Here are some concrete behaviors to develop:

• Honesty – You need to be transparent with yourself. If you don’t want to change, then don’t.  
• Be committed – Stop treating yourself with half measures. You either fully commit or stop wasting time pretending to want to change.
• Small steps – take small and realistic steps to avoid burnout.  Whenever we take on too many projects or tasks, we become overwhelmed.
• Keep it Simple – Simple steps make remaining consistent and committed to new changes easier.
• Reformat goals – Consider change as an activity or task rather than a goal.  Many of us view goals as the final achievements, which fosters the mindset that we can stop working hard. This often occurs when it comes to losing weight or any self-proving program.
• Keep a journal – maintaining records of your struggles will allow you to trace self-sabotaging behaviors and patterns.

Re-framing our patterns is done with the idea of achieving a permanent outcome.  Remember that we will get the same old results when we return to old behavior patterns.

Copyright 2024 R. Castro

Recommended Reading

Changing Patterns of Human Behavior: An Introduction to The Structural Pattern Reframing by Jan Dyba