Understanding Substance Abuse

The reality of Substance Abuse has nothing to do with moral purity or whether or not your family is dysfunctional.  Addiction is not manufactured only in broken homes or the dark alleys of Skid Row.  Addiction can happen to anyone at any time or point in their lives, regardless of success, education, religious affiliations, or social status. Individuals do not need to have abusive drug-using parents or are homeless to turn to drugs. Individuals can come from cohesive nuclear families and have parents who earn six figures and take vacations in their summer homes. It is precisely our views about addiction that often lead to enormous shock when someone who comes from a good home abruptly dies without any known history or visible signs of chronic usage. The fact is that many overdoses occur primarily because of experimentation rather than daily use. 

The so-called war on drugs has turned into parades in funeral parlors with no sign of relief any time soon.  Part of the problem of failure to manage drug usage has a lot to do with the ongoing misunderstanding and over-simplification of addiction.  The mere assumption that addiction is something you can simply choose to stop tells us that many have no idea of the intertwined relationships between biological, psychological, and social components.

For starters, there is one constant reason for addiction, as many theories have suggested, because factually, if it were one core problem, the solution would have been designed and implemented eons ago. 

The key components that influence addiction need recognition before a concrete plan of action can be successfully designed and implemented.

• Biological – the brain’s reward system plays a critical role in cravings that often seem to occur out of the blue.
• Psychological – Mental health and emotional states provide the triggering factors in drug-seeking behaviors as individuals seek relief and balance.
• Social – Environmental opportunities facilitate access to both illicit and non-illicit substances. However, most individuals believe that getting rid of street dealers is the primary solution, but the fact is that many individuals get their drugs from the pharmacy and not the streets.

Many professionals believe usage is physical; compelling data presented by the National Institute for Drug Abuse (NIDA) demonstrates a high percentage of being physical, but most people still struggle to accept the data and often ignore books that contain biological explanations.

Most individuals can recognize dependence on heroin or crack but are not prescribed painkillers or mood-stabilizing drugs like benzodiazepine (valium, Klonopin), Xanax, Ativan, etc. One of the main reasons folks do not recognize prescription drugs as a problem has to do with the belief that prescriptions are safe since a licensed doctor prescribed them.

On social levels, drug usage has always been associated with street dealers and low-income neighborhoods, as a result generating surprised reactions when addiction becomes visible in nicer districts.  If there is anything you take away from this blog, it is to remember that addiction can enter any home at any time.

For folks unsure about what substance disorder consists of, it may help to seek objective expert advice from a treatment facility or the rooms of AA.  The benefits of working with clinical experts are that they utilize several diagnostic tools that can be used objectively without moral judgment or reprimand. In addition, The National Criteria for Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, or the Office of Alcohol and Substance Abuse Services, can help with information on referrals and resources to help a person come to grips with their consumption of drugs and alcohol.

Personal note:  I worked in the field of substance abuse for over 40 years, starting while I was finishing my bachelor’s in psychology at Fordham University.  I have witnessed the changes in theories regarding addiction, from the disease model to the psychological and social model.  Throughout the years, I have observed that no one component alone designs addiction. My observation was solidified during the process of obtaining my doctorate in I/O psychology, where my research focus allowed me to fully comprehend the value of holistic treatment approaches that address the bio-psycho-social needs of individuals struggling with substance abuse.

Copyright © 2024 R. Castro

Resources and reading material:

Resources

I have included a few links with information on the biological and social aspects of Substance abuse.

The Neurobiology of addiction
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6767400/

The Science Behind Addiction
https://www.naatp.org/addiction-treatment-resources/understanding-addiction

Prescription Drugs Are Far More Deadly Than Street Drugs
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201404/prescription-drugs-are-far-more-deadly-street-drugs

Reading Material

I have added a few books for individuals who wish to read more about the nature of addiction.  Keep in mind that some of the books focus heavily on the brain’s role in addiction, which may be off-putting for individuals who dislike scientific jargon.  I do recommend reading the science behind substance use because it provides a prescriptive that is necessary for understanding the biological aspects of cravings. I also included information for those who have family members struggling with substance abuse.


10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much by Lisa Frederiksen

Understanding and Helping an Addict (and keeping your sanity) Paperback –by Dr. Andrew Proulx (Author)

 

Taking Charge of Your Life

Many of us dream about having a better handle on life matters. We often look at others, believing they have a better lifestyle or are much more stable because they have what we think we lack.  The reality is we do not know 100% what others have faced or overcome to get to where they are today.  Even when we have known someone for a long time, we are not always aware of everything that goes on.  Everyone struggles at one point or another. The key is not the struggles we face that make or break us but how we manage them. The difference between specific individuals is that they have fewer obstacles or more luck, but they learn to manage what we often think is unmanageable.

We are all faced with numerous obstacles, opportunities, and personal assets. Yet not everyone will see their blessings or even recognize their worth or personal assets as tools for overcoming obstacles.  The problem in overcoming barriers comes from the way we view things. The more we believe we are limited and unable to change, the more stuck we remain. There are a few elements that keep us glued to patterns that keep us from living a fulfilling life, such as:

• Poor self-image:  We see ourselves as damaged and unworthy of good things.
• Stuck in beliefs: We avoid seeing things differently because the familiar is easier to handle. It is easier to hold on to beliefs we have held for years because change is scary and a completely unknown process. 
• Negative Reinforcement: We are often surrounded by situations and routines that reinforce adverse outcomes.
• Unsupportive Connections: Our relationships are packed with negative individuals who repeatedly feed our self-doubts through their comments.
• Give up easily: Whenever we start a self-help regimen, we give up if we don’t see immediate results.
• No self-patience: We tend to want instant results, and if we don’t get things quickly, we give up.
• Used to Crumbs: There is a tendency to settle for the bare essentials and not expect more. 

We tend to hold on to how we do things, not always because we want to, but mostly because we have no idea how to improve or change.  The fact is that change is not as simple as we like to think. For instance, someone living in a toxic home knows they need to move but is economically stuck for several reasons that some may not fully comprehend.  Some individuals cannot work due to health or educational limitations or having children. Some folks are economic hostages since they have no personal income or means to earn a living that will sustain independence. Therefore, change can be tricky for individuals who depend on others who are not very kind. Yet how does one take charge?  If you have been reading this blog, for starters, it means you have access to the internet.  Here are tips to help you take charge:

• Improve how you see yourself- the opinions and views of others are theirs and do not have to be yours.
• Standing up – you can assert yourself without aggression or fighting and stand up for yourself by learning to believe in “you.”
• Stop trying to change others – You do not improve your views or life by changing others.  Change begins with you and how you see things. 
• Internal Self-improvement – you do not need to change your looks or have any money to change how you see yourself. Change begins with our thoughts and beliefs, which require mental modification.
•  Perfection is not required – change does not mean you need to be perfect; change is about improving and eliminating what causes disharmony in your life.
• Being in Charge – Taking control is a personal journey; only you can determine what that means and looks like.
• Keep a journal – document your moods, thoughts, and progress to help you trace patterns and reinforce improvements.

 Taking charge of one’s life is a process that does not occur overnight. It does involve doing things daily that foster a new way of thinking.  Change may be uncomfortable and foreign to many; however, it is through constant effort that things improve our lives. Regardless of how you feel during your journey of self-improvement, avoid giving up on yourself.

Copyright 2024. R. Castro

Recommended Resources
I have included some resources for you to explore. The first is a book to help you sort things out, plus a few videos to get you to develop some practices to help you along the way.

Recommended Book
I find it helpful to get ideas from other sources, especially when I feel stuck.

Fiercely Joyful: 11 Keys to Living Authentically & Creating a Life You Love Paperback by Natasha Craig Durkins

Useful meditations and affirmations

4-minute Manifestation

Kickstart your day

3-minute meditation
https://youtu.be/nxt01oIUVKk?si=fHjqap0PbGOj-J8G

Reducing negative thinking

Personal Power

I will not give you a Tony Robbins motivational speech or tips on being more powerful.  No, that is not the goal of this blog. This blog aims to help you recognize yourself and be your best without the pressures of social standards or family expectations. 

For starters, what is personal power? Is it being rich, famous, always happy, and loved by everyone? No.  The fact is that personal power is “Personal.” The problem with achieving personal power comes in the definition.  We subscribe to a definition of power often based on others outside of our reality.  We allow others to determine if we are successful in being human rather than allow our concepts to dictate our realities, which is why we often feel like we missed the mark.

Personal power is not:

• Outdoing others – It is not competition because no one is like us.
• Obtained by imitating others – Using other’s success as a ruler to measure our success means we may fall short since we do not always know the personal sacrifices made by others.
• Getting the right tools – Buying self-help books, attending seminars, etc., make others successful but seldom work for individuals who struggle with their specific reality.
• Reliving glory days – Trying to do what we did when we were younger completely disregards our current reality.
• Getting Appreciation -Expecting that others will like or appreciate us more when we are powerful.  People may respect your role, but it does not always mean they like, trust, or care about you. 
• Being Popular – Many folks want to be around influential people, mostly hoping to catch a few benefits from knowing you.
• Working hard – killing yourself is not the key to personal power because, at the end of the day, exhaustion leads to burnout, making it harder to enjoy success.

To achieve personal power, you need to understand what it means.  Personal power is different than being a powerful figurehead.  Personal power is not based on work or school success but instead on how you live your life and how you treat yourself. Are you able to do the following:

• Do you have the ability to assert yourself and stand up to bullies? Asserting yourself is about compassionately recognizing your needs and standing up for yourself.
• Are you capable of having clear boundaries?  Setting boundaries is about letting others know how you wish to be treated and what is unacceptable.
• Can you say no when situations go against your beliefs or better judgment? Saying no may disappoint others; however, it is also about getting treated with respect and not placing you in compromising circumstances.
• Are you the type who avoids confrontation because you dislike conflict? Compassionate and honest communication can be a helpful tool when faced with difficult situations.
• Are you comfortable asking others to help you? We do not need to feel ashamed for asking for assistance. Granted, not everyone can help us when we ask for assistance; however, if you don’t ask for help, others will assume you are okay when you’re not.
• Do you fear visiting family during the holidays because they push your buttons? The more you set boundaries, the easier it will become to handle all types, including family.
• Do you often lend money to friends or family who forget to repay you? Stop playing the ATM role; the more you give to some folks, the more they expect and the less they think they are obligated to pay you back.
• Do people call you at all hours for casual chatting, even when you have work or school in the morning?  Do not answer the phone if you are asleep or busy. If you want others to respect your schedule, you must also respect it.
• Do you often feel like an emotional dumpster, where everyone emotionally dumps on you, yet no one ever lets you vent?  The key to avoiding being dumped continuously is to stop the behavior the moment it becomes stressful.  Don’t let things fester beyond your comfort zone.

I am sure the list can be even longer for some of you.  However, regardless of how long your list may or may not be, it is time to take control of your life.  Key power sources:

• Practice self-compassion.
• Honor your needs.
• Learn to say no.
• Stop people pleasing.
• Respect your schedule.
• Respect your plans.
• Keep your promises to yourself.
• Be transparent with others and yourself.

In summary, personal power is about how you treat yourself. Others mimic the behavior patterns you display towards yourself. If you fear reactions, rejection, or losing people, you will engage in behaviors that serve others at your own expense.  When someone wants something, you cannot afford to do or give, simply say “No.”  However, be ready for reactions, tears, yelling, or silent treatment.  Be prepared to get blocked on Facebook or whatever social media you use. But remember, “No” is one the most powerful words you can use on your path to personal power.  Because it sets up boundaries, allows others to know your limits, and teaches that you can no longer be taken for granted.

Copyright. 2024 R. Castro

Reading Recommendations

To be true to oneself and shine in one’s true essence, one really needs to understand that many may disagree with us and dislike our views. It does take courage to be who you are meant to be as well as accept the fact others may dislike us for it.

The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

Re-framing Old Patterns

Many of us realize that we often get in the way of our happiness based on old beliefs and patterns.  It is easy to state that we may be our worst enemy, yet it is not easy to change.

Though change may be monumental for many, it is still possible and doable. The first step in making proactive improvements is to begin small and remain consistent.  Remember that we never arrive where we are overnight; everything starts gradually, whether our current situations consist of bad habits, out-of-control stress, excess weight, bad relationships, or a hoarder’s nest.  

The core element of change is our beliefs.  The more we eliminate self-sabotaging beliefs, the easier change becomes and the more permanent the outcomes.  However, it does not matter how many self-help books you read, how many therapy sessions you attend, or how often you talk about your issues; as long as you hold on to negative key beliefs, change will not be permanent, and relapse is unavoidable.   

We all have patterns, whether negative or positive; we still have them. Frankly, listing your patterns may help identify your weak areas, but action and maintenance are always the key.

The question to ask yourself is, how are you when it comes to daily self-care and maintenance?  Are you the type that starts strong and loves implementing changes, but when you reach your goal, you stop the routines? Don’t lose heart; most folks stop the work of maintenance once they reach their goal.  Many folks enjoy the starting process, such as joining a gym, buying groceries and supplements for new diets, decluttering, and organizing their homes, etc., but when it comes to the part of daily upkeep, they stop.    

Starting goals creates energy driven by purpose, but things become mundane once the outcome is achieved.  To reformat your patterns for positive longevity, you need to change your way of behaving, not just your way of thinking or believing. Engaging in behaviors that foster upkeep beyond your goal attainment is essential.  Here are some concrete behaviors to develop:

• Honesty – You need to be transparent with yourself. If you don’t want to change, then don’t.  
• Be committed – Stop treating yourself with half measures. You either fully commit or stop wasting time pretending to want to change.
• Small steps – take small and realistic steps to avoid burnout.  Whenever we take on too many projects or tasks, we become overwhelmed.
• Keep it Simple – Simple steps make remaining consistent and committed to new changes easier.
• Reformat goals – Consider change as an activity or task rather than a goal.  Many of us view goals as the final achievements, which fosters the mindset that we can stop working hard. This often occurs when it comes to losing weight or any self-proving program.
• Keep a journal – maintaining records of your struggles will allow you to trace self-sabotaging behaviors and patterns.

Re-framing our patterns is done with the idea of achieving a permanent outcome.  Remember that we will get the same old results when we return to old behavior patterns.

Copyright 2024 R. Castro

Recommended Reading

Changing Patterns of Human Behavior: An Introduction to The Structural Pattern Reframing by Jan Dyba 

Relationship Limbo

Currently, we enter relationships of various types in hopes of finding someone to love and appreciate us.  We want someone in our corner to give us emotional support and love us unconditionally.  We often do whatever it takes to win love and keep a person around, even if they mistreat us and do not provide the joyous connection we crave.  We settle for anyone who gives us the time of day.  We make sacrifices and excuses for the poor treatment we get from others.

Why we remain in unhealthy realms:

• We believe there are not many options.
• We think we are too old for love or have too many limits.
• We have kids with the person, so we remain unhappily involved.
• We can’t afford to live alone.
• They are only abusive when they drink or use drugs, which is almost every other day.
• We are afraid to be alone.
• We were told by a psychic that we were soul mates.
• They are too sick, and I feel obligated to stay.
• They are my first.
• We have been together since High School.
• They are in therapy, so I figure I will give them a chance since change takes time.
• They put up with my lousy history.
• They were in abusive relationships in the past and abandoned often.
• They were abused as kids, and they just need someone to understand them.
• I know they are good deep down inside and need to be understood.
• They really love me, even though they treat me poorly.
• They need time to feel comfortable enough to commit, even though you’ve been together for years.
• They remain married and keep you on the side; they claim they can’t leave because of the kids or due to financial obligations.
• I cheated in the past, and they forgave me. However, they are abusive because of it.

The reasons we often remain in situations that are unhealthy can fit volumes.  One of several reasons we stay is because we value others more than we value our needs and self. We expect others to be committed and treat us respectfully; in the meantime, we don’t treat ourselves with the same level of dignity.

The fact is that respect begins with us. We need to do the following:

• When you say no, mean it, and don’t coward down and say yes.
• Stop letting others emotionally blackmail you with their sad tales or reasons for being abusive.
• Keep your promises to yourself because the more you do this, the harder it is to let others break their promises to you.
• Keep your commitment to yourself; if you plan on going to the gym, go; if you plan on not spending unnecessary money, then don’t; or if you want to eat better, do it and stop flaking out on yourself.
• Stop rescuing people; if someone shares that they are broke or struggling, it’s ok to listen but don’t be so quick to often solutions that come at your expense.
• Take yourself seriously.  Stop letting the opinions of others influence how you see yourself. Your inner voice is just as significant as others.
• Practice self-forgiveness:  Learn to forgive yourself as you do for others, regardless of your mistakes.
• Avoid Comparisons:  Don’t compare yourself with others because no one is like you.  We are all unique and have our talents and gifts. 

Being true to oneself is tricky, mainly because who we are tends to reflect social norms and the influence of those close to us.  Our need to be loved gets fused into our need to win the love of others by changing ourselves into their ideal person.  On many, our need for others overshadows our need to be ourselves, which is why so many folks feel they lose their identity when they get involved.  If you want to be loved for, being you, you must be your most authentic self.

Copyright 2024, R. Castro

Recommended Reading

I added this book to help strengthen the message behind my blog. I feel strongly about being authentic with yourself and showing yourself the same compassion you show others. If you can’t love or expect yourself, how can others possibly do it for you?

Truly, Madly, Deeply Love YOU: How to Love Yourself by Improving Your Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence by Athena Harmonia

Understanding Stress

Stress is a reality of life. However, how we manage stress is different from individual to individual. One of the essential compounds in learning to manage stress is understanding how it impacts us and what we can do to cope. It is not enough to automatically assume that everyone is equal when it comes to experiencing stress.

What some folks consider stressful, others consider excitement and a natural state of living.  For instance, someone living in NYC would not view riding crowded trains to work daily as stressful but as a way of life. In the meantime, someone living in the suburbs might get a bit frazzled entering Grand Central station. Another interesting thing to consider is running, for some folks, it is a great stress reducer, yet some researchers state that running increases the production of the stress hormone cortisol, which signals the brain to prepare us for flight or fighting.

Managing stress is a personal process; it always helps to identify your stress triggers before embarking on a stress reduction regimen.  As mentioned, what may be stressful for some may not be stressful for others. Let’s review what you consider stress and add a point for each yes:

1. Public transportation (trains or buses):  yes ___No ____
2. Driving: yes ___No ____
3. Big cities: yes ___No ____
4. Loud noises: yes ___No ____
5. Family gatherings: yes ___No ____
6. Social gatherings: yes ___No ____
7. Job interviews: yes ___No ____
8. Marriage: yes ___No ____
9. Relationships: yes ___No ____
10. Work: yes ___No ____
11. School: yes ___No ____
12. Medical appointments: yes ___No ____
13. Pregnancy: yes ___No ____
14. Finances: yes ___No ____
15. Investing: yes ___No ____
16. Divorce: yes ___No ____
17. Marriage ceremony: yes ___No ____
18. Raising kids: yes ___No ____
19. Addressing conflict: yes ___No ____
20. Pending competition: yes ___No ____
21. Pending admission: yes ___No ____
22. Domestic violence: yes ___No ____
23. Unstable home environment: yes ___No ____
24. Dealing with ongoing bullying: yes ___No ____
25. Chronic health issues: yes ___No ____
26. Dealing sick parents or partner: yes ___No ____
27. Caring for a sick pet: yes ___No ____
28. Being the sole breadwinner: yes ___No ____
29. Sexual harassment:  yes ___No ____
30. Facing racism: yes ___No ____
31. Mental health: yes ___No ____
32. Side effects of medication: yes ___No ____

I am sure there are other areas not mentioned that also contribute to stress; however, add your points and review the places where you seem to have the highest numbers.  The specific areas will serve as a guide for determining the primary stress triggers.  Keep in mind that stress can be divided into categories such as:

• Environmental – includes home environment and local surroundings.
• Functional – work, school, and personal and social activities
• Social – Our relationship with others, such as family, kids, relationship partners, friends, associates, coworkers, strangers, and even pets.
• Physical – health status, physical energy, diet, sleep patterns and medications, illicit and non-illicit drug abuse
• Mental Health Status– A diagnosed or undiagnosed mental health condition can trigger instability and create havoc with work, relationships, or personal well-being.
• Situational – how others treat us, accidents, or spontaneous changes.

Stress in itself is unavoidable since it is part of our survival instincts.  Even though stress cannot be avoided, it can be managed with a balanced self-care regimen. Here’s a quick list:

• Maintaining Mental stability – You will manage stress much more efficiently if you continuously practice mindfulness with daily meditations or take mental breaks to recharge yourself before getting exhausted or overwhelmed.
• Be easy with yourself- Nothing is worse than inner criticism for not doing things perfectly.
• Preventive Care – Take breaks regularly, even when you are not tired. Your body and mind will benefit from small daily breaks.
• Keep things simple– Less is more when it comes to self-care.
• Write things down– A to-do list is a valuable reminder tool.  Make a list of things to do before bed and revise in the morning if needed.
• Practice Self-forgiveness – stop being harsh on yourself for not finishing everything on your to-do list or meeting certain self-imposed expectations.
• Learn to have fun – stress often comes when we are overworked and overly serious. The truth is that life is short, and you need to make time for laughter.
• Share the burden – delegate whatever you can to others.  Household chores, childcare, etc.  Whatever you can let others do, let them do it, even if it’s not as perfect as you would do.
• Pamper yourself – caring for yourself does not have to be expensive or require many products.  Pampering can be simply self-care, such as washing your hair and fixing it nicely, doing a pedicure or home facial, or taking a long shower or bath.  Even better, take 10 minutes to meditate on gratitude and self-love. 

It is important to remember that stress is a reaction to spontaneous and overwhelming situations. The key overall to managing stress is keeping yourself as balanced as possible through self-care routines rather than waiting until things fall apart.

Copyright 2024 R. Castro

Recommended Resources
I provided a few links to some useful material that will give you ideas on managing stress and further understanding how it impacts your overall well-being.

Here’s a short video with a meditation to use whenever you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed; though it’s brief, it is quite effective.

https://youtu.be/ztTexqGQ0VI?si=e__I1OSAIqdbrN9u

Here is information on Cortisol, its function, and its impact on the body.

What is Cortisol:  https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/what-is-cortisol

I included this book on managing anxiety since it also provides useful techniques that can help in coping with stress.

The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques: Understanding How Your Brain Makes You Anxious and What You Can Do to Change It by Margaret Wehrenberg