Sex is a real mood changer. It contributes to feelings of being wanted, desired and worthy. Sadly, many individuals equate sexual activities as signs of being desirable or valued. Many people get stuck in a loop of wanting validation, especially when they lack a healthy amount of self-esteem. Validation for many lacking self-worth comes in the form of sex, compliments, and they often see being desired by their partner as a sign that they are worthy of the relationship.
Now, whenever a partner has lost interest in having sex with their partner, there is a tendency for the partner to feel rejected and undesirable, which slowly erodes the self-esteem. Diminished sexual acts between partners often lead to one person feeling rejected, which then creates a decline in self-esteem.
Part of the reason that sex increases the sense of well-being and overall self-worth is that sexual acts contribute to the production of dopamine through means of orgasms. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that enhances the production of oxytocin, which is the cuddle hormone responsible for human socialization and attachments. Oxytocin is also responsible for the feelings of attachment mothers feel towards their newborn infants.
The production of oxytocin not only creates a need for attachment, but it also contributes to feelings of self-worth, self-esteem and feeling positive. When you combine the neurotransmitters with behaviors that make a person feel wanted, it is easy to see how sex can make a person feel extra special and wanted whenever a partner wants to have sex.
The fact is, that sex is not the only way to feel special and wanted. But it is one of the best ways to have the brain produce oxytocin through the enhancement of dopamine spikes. Now the dilemma is how to improve a relationship when the sex is not often due to health, PTSD issues or only different-sex values? The answer is to enhance the relationship through other means that also increase a sense of overall well being.
There are natural ways to increase the spikes of dopamine, which will assist in the production of oxytocin. Here are some examples of basic methods:
- Hugging
- Cuddling
- Laughing
- Dancing
- Exercising
- Non-sexual Intimacy which includes, romantic dates, pillow talk, spending quality time alone.
- Learn something new together
- Bake together (make chocolate cookies or desserts)
- Meditate together
In summary, enjoy your partner. Make each moment count when you are together, and this will reduce the doubts and fears that erode trust and faith in your relationship. It will also lessen the need for sexual validation. The fact is that sexual needs are physical, just like the need to eat, but it doesn’t mean you are worthless because the need diminishes. Self-worth is about your sense of appreciation for yourself. What others think of us, will only make us feel good for a brief moment. But what we believe about ourselves last a lifetime.
Copyright ©2017 Rosa Castro
References
Dopamine. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine
Psychology Today (2017) What is dopamine? Retrieved https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/dopamine
Write Studio (2017)The effects of Increasing Dopamine. Retrieved http://www.writestudio.com/335/increase-dopamine-risks-and-benefits
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